As I have made the conscious decision to have a child. I have been trying to pull together the wisdoms I think I know, the rules of life I believe in. The tools I use to break through challenges as they come. I’ve been looking for what it is that keeps me going and what lessons I will pass on to my daughter… After all, my job is to be there, be her mentor, her carer and to guide her through lifes troubles as she will undoubtedly face many of them alone… as we all do.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers, I wouldn’t even begin to pretend I remember and stick to these things. I will be corny, I will be lame but… I encourage people to challenge my ideals in comments section, and to reveal theirs.
I know I’m gonna repeat myself with this even though I’ll try not to, if you think I do please point that out too… wanna keep these sort of thoughts as succinct as possible.
I believe it is when people forget the below, they loose their inner peace.
Life is simple - I believe that in the end, everything that troubles us in life can be broken down into problems and those problems broken down even further to be simple question that usually have simple answers that we can remember and keep in our minds for when we face the challenges ahead.
Be assertive - Arguments, fights, wars. Conflict is a part of life and is always made worse when in the diplomatic dealings of conversations, we say things which we do not at all mean. Even for the simplest things said. The simplest thing done. When we make conscious decisions, we can be confident. We can stand tall and say I do and say what I believe to be right. This also means to make sure you speak in a way that you are without a doubt understood, do not leave room in people’s minds to question what it is you meant to say or do.
There is no such thing as right and wrong - Now, I don’t mean it’s not evil to kill another person, or to take another person's free will. I mean everyone has a different idea of what should and shouldn’t be done in every situation. words so often fall off people’s tongues “you should have” “why not do this instead?” these things should be taken in but never as absolute truths and always with a grain of salt! You may be able to always make what you believe to be the right decision (given enough time for forethought) and someone will always have something to say about it. Same goes with Values. It isn’t wrong or right to spend your life searching for large sums of money. If it is what you want to do, that is what you’ll do. There is no such thing as a right or wrong use of YOUR life. Never feel pressured to change your values unless you feel that pressure coming from within you.
Appreciate Diversity - Simple and obvious I know, but it’s not said enough and it’s something people forget. We are all different, different in skin colour, outlooks, levels of intelligence and types of intelligence. We can waste our time in trying to level out people to all think a certain way but it ruins the experience of life. Appreciate the beauty in the freedom we have to do be different. Love and celebrate the difference in the world.
People are creatures of habit - In some way or another we are creatures of habit. It is far too taxing on the decision making parts of our brains to constantly be living day to day always doing different things, it’s stressful… It would be like starting a new game everyday without ever finishing to not live without habits. Painful, inefficient and without aim. Know your habits and love them. If they don’t reflect who you are, change them. It takes all the effort in the world to change them but mindfulness and patience for a month or two, making the active decision to do something in the place in that habit will change it eventually.
Never hold grudges - This is not to say we should always forget the troubles other people seem to cause us or that we should simply never get angry although that would be nice. People always have reasons for the things they do and whether you agree with them or not they do what they do, there is no point in holding hatred in your heart forever and always towards them. It is enough to simply know what they do and then you get to decide if you allow them back into your life, what boundaries you set for them. And if you can understand what turmoil in their hearts caused their behaviour maybe then you can even help them to be in your life without them overstepping your boundaries.
Opinions are not facts - It is important, so important to separate opinions and facts. This is because our opinions can be discussed but can never be truly right or wrong. Facts can be proven and debated. If we waste our time trying to argue that one opinion is more TRUE than another it will do nothing but offend. Instead give your opinion and rejoice that this person can have all the same information as you but paint a picture that looks so different. Try to understand their opinion, it may be more helpful in life than your own opinions.
Age means nothing - This is not to say you can always find well matured wisdoms from a 6 year old. But I think it is actually kind of traumatic, as a person to have an extreme change in treatment from toddler to child to adolescent to adult. We learn how to act and react from the start and we learn this by watching others. Talking with younger people as you would someone who is your peer, with respect, will help make them into strong adults. Same goes with elderly, too often I hear people speak to those who are much older as if they aren’t quite there. They can tell, I promise and whether they are all there or not, be patient, treat everyone as if they are your peer, because ultimately, age means nothing. We all learn different things at different paces. We can learn from children. We can learn from elderly. and they from us.
If loss is not dealt with, it will eat you alive - “It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart.” What I’ve found that breaks us all is loss. Everyone has different ways of grieving, with dealing with it. I’m not gonna say anyway is wrong… But I believe what keeps us together best is to remember, remember they want us to be happy even after they are gone, remember how they touched you, changed you, what they did that you loved and that makes you love them. Cherish those memories, embody them and they will live on forever. It is an endless cycle when younger generations embody the best… and the worst of the fallen loved ones. One of my favorite quotes is “A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account balance is, what sort of house I live in or what kind of car I drove. But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” - Forest Witcraft (Found this quote years after coming to the same conclusion and I’m so glad to have found it :]). If you are dealing with material loss, all you need is to remember what is really important, pretty much every religion and philosophy I have heard of thus far teaches us not to be too concerned or to grow too attached to objects, to things. It is what I have seen gets every single person through when they lose everything except the people they love, to remember it is the people you love who will always be there even after your things and money disappear.
Dreams, Goals, Plans - How can we succeed without them? How would there be a sunset without a sun? Success marks the end of these things and it’s so important to keep them in mind as we go through this mess of responsibilities that is life. We as human being have an unmatched focus and drive all we have to do is decide what we want to do with these gifts. We love achieving things, even the little things, it fuels the drive that sends us forward. Savour every victory and never take your eyes off the prize.
What ever will be will be - I know this is (as with everything) is easier said than done but once deep rooted into the subconscious it helps us not to get so flustered by potential futures that we see coming, allows us to make decisions to keep things from happening instead of making a bad situation worse. I believe that the more you fear something is going to happen, the less likely it is that you’ll be making the right decisions in general life. Take each day by day, cherish every moment, accept what is and that all we can do is try our best (and if it means a lot to you, you should always try your best) but beyond that, it is out of your control and you have nothing to be sorry for, nothing to regret, nothing to fear and no reason to torture yourself.
Purpose, it doesn’t matter what you believe, an ultimate goal is always good - It’s apparently one of life’s great questions just like ‘what came first, the chicken or the egg?’ (it was the egg BTW what a stupid question, we were all eggs and sperm before we were people and chickens are no exception XD) and everyone is going to have a different answer, some believe humans as a race have a purpose. I think ultimately it doesn't matter what reasoning you use, where it comes from. It’s important to have a life goal, as shown in ‘Rise of the Guardians’ as a person’s “centre” it is what we put into the world. The core of who you are. I think personally that each person has a different purpose because it is us as people who created the concept of a purpose. I think that each person needs to find their centre in order to obtain a calm mind. Even if your purpose is to live life and love it. I think it’s absolutely necessary.
Balance all day, every day, all the time, everywhere - In order for something to last it needs a balance. You wanna live long, have a balanced everything. We can’t last just on green vegetables, just on fish… with too little sleep or too much. Too little passion in life will cause depression or chronic fatigue and too much is sure to make you just as insane. An enjoyable life, I believe is obtained by balance too… not a new thought, yin and yang and all that. Pretty simple and I agree with it.
Your attitude will influence everything you do and everyone around you - I guess this whole post is about attitudes and which attitudes I believe work best… Generally I would say that an understanding attitude in most cases will win you the day. But as I’ve read recently in a book given to me by my uncle “Think and Grow Rich” basic drive and blind optimism can be just as good. It goes with who you want to be and how you want people to see you or if you even care about either. Determine which attitude it is you want to have because in the end, that is what it’s all about. That attitude will be how you live your life.
So I guess that’s it… All I can think of at this time, the sum of my current, very simple understanding of what is needed to lead your life.
